Herbie

Here is a ditty That I hope is witty About our dear kitty Who really is skitty

But ‘What is his name?’ I hear you exclaim Well, I wasn’t subtle His name is the title!

So what can I say About our Herbie? Named after the 60s car Not after garden plants, aha!

He’s a white and black cat I’m certain of that He’s really quite tiny And often sounds whiny…

They say dogs are man’s best friend But he doesn’t even pretend That’s what he wants, and seldom will deign Even around us to remain

As for sitting on a lap When he needs a nap It never crosses his mind So there you won’t him find

He may use his own bed If it enters his head But he doesn’t really care As he’ll sleep anywhere

Occasionally he shares our bed Wanders on the pillow by my head Or maybe settles down quite neat On the blanket by my feet

Around our home He’s happy to roam You never quite know Where he will go

Herbie is an inquisitive soul If he spots a little hole He will then try to get in It’s amazing where he’s been

Sometimes up, sometimes down You might think he’s a clown High, low, over or under Where he goes, it’s a wonder

He’s often in trouble It seems we see double When he rushes around With a leap and a bound

In the garden he goes wild It’s astounding what he’s killed Sparrows, starlings, blackbirds too And, yes, pigeons, quite a few

When he catches a bird You know he’s not heard As whatever you say He will neither react nor obey

He climbs up the trees We know what he sees! Then clambers back down As we sigh and we frown

When the weather is windy He has a tendency To catch what he can Be it beast or man

Sometimes you will find He tries to unwind And catch his own tail Which could make him wail!

And then on the fence There is some pretence As he hangs there wonky Seems he’s some kind of monkey! (or lemur)

In our greenhouse He sat as quiet as a mouse But under his weight The mange tout met their fate

Occasionally he wants to play So do seize that day After a scrunched-up ball of paper Round the house he will caper

When we eat our dinner He thinks he’s onto a winner As I hate to decline To share some of mine

As mentioned before He’s a true carnivore And he’ll happily eat Any kind of meat

But for that special food treat Do guess what he’ll eat? Galia, honeydew or cantaloupe? Yes, melon, what a whoop!

When it comes to a drink He quite likes the sink If we give him a bowl He will scowl

But a jug in the bath Or a watering can on the path That’s where he thinks He likes his drinks

To get through his cat flap His neck magnet he has to tap But he will often walk around With other things it has found

Assorted items we have seen Showing where he might have been Nails, screws, pins and other metal bits Even one day a USB stick

And he sometimes seems to forget That he can let Himself in, with his magnetic pass But instead paws at the door or glass

Sometimes when I look out of the window I will see Herbie down below And if I open the window wide He’ll soon climb up and come inside

I will now you regale With many a tale They’re not all tall And some are from when he was small

He was a lively kitten, And still is, as I’ve written He liked to climb Much of the time

He liked to get up high And see what he could spy When they were busy building He went up the scaffolding

He pretended he couldn’t get down from there As I started to pull out my hair But we didn’t have to worry He was just in no hurry

When he saw a hole in the ceiling It was far too appealing Up the loft ladder he scurried Then down again he soon hurried

Maybe in a game of chase He jumped onto the bookcase And looked to find What there might be behind

But, oh, what a funny sight! The gap was just too tight So he was left dangling there With his hind legs waving in the air

Another time, in the middle of the night We all got a massive fright Herbie made a horrible wailing We thought he might be ailing

He was in the utility room So to there we did zoom And much to our surprise Found there were double cries

There was another cat Now how was that? Seemed it tail-gated the cat flap But now he was trap(ped)

What I also ought to say Is they were set to just one way So the other cat, the silly thing Couldn’t get back out the way it came in!

Suffice to say At the end of the day And after a shout We helped it get out

And there are visits to the vet Dreaded by many a pet How do you think he gets there? Of course, in our bike trailer

Once a year, off we go Hopefully before he know(s) For his annual check and injection To stop risk of infection

Only twice has the vet seen Things were not as they should have been First his teeth had some decay So needed treatment without delay

We arranged a special pet taxi car As for the trailer it was too far To get to the hospital for pets Even bigger than the normal vets

So him they had to sedate Then they could operate To remove a couple of teeth And return him to full health

Then, more recently, did we spy He had trouble with his eye We thought we better book For the vet to take a look

Would he need any ops? Fortunately not, but eye drops Applied several times a day Helped the problem go away

And what else did the vet do? To help make him good as new What did he put in his eye? Yes, a contact lens, oh me oh my!

Of dogs, he has a healthy fear But sometimes he does go near As he finds it quite a lark To see if he can make them bark

I’m told one day on the wall he sat There’s nothing unusual about that Nosing in the neighbour’s garden Oh, I do beg her pardon

When he jumped down to the ground What do you think he found? Not the soil or path bare But their dog lying there

And so our very silly cat Landed on the dog, splat! As it was such a surprise It took the dog a while to rise

And fortunately, in a flash Herbie ran away with a dash It’s amazing how he survives Good job for him he has nine lives

Herbie seems to have so little sense I can’t really come to his defence And he truly is a soppy cat But we do love him for all of that

I am sure you see from this Without him we’d be amiss I could probably write some more But I don’t want to be a bore